Tag: Bars

I was surprised to learn the longtime eastside bar Bert & Ernie’s concluded its 20 year run last Saturday.

It always seemed to me to be “in Redding, but not of Redding.” Like a tourist bar. Reviews at Yelp are mixed, but Yelp is always questionable anyway. And some videos on YouTube were pretty damn embarrassing for a bar with a Sesame Street name. No, not linking here.
Still, it had a good run. Bars come and go in Redding, and B’n E’s proved not immune to changing tastes. Our town can be a harsh environment for any small business. The owner says he’ll move into another venue, and we wish him and his staff the best.

My buddies and I went to Johnny’s after a weekend of waterskiing at Lake Shasta. We went a little bit apprehensive given all the terrible reviews of the place (our favorite review: “Johnny’s White Supremacist Bar”), but when we did a search for “Nightlife” on Yelp in Redding, Subway Sandwiches was the No. 1 result, so there really weren’t a lot of options.

It’s a good thing we chose Johnny’s instead of loading up on Turkey Avocados at Subway, because Johnny’s was on fire. Granted, we’re all married dudes from the SF Bay Area, but the experience was a ton of fun and entertaining, if nothing more than just to watch the wildlife. We all highly recommend the place.

First off, on a Saturday night at 10p, the place was pretty full and hopping with a live DJ. The dance floor was filled with women dancing. You can tell a bunch of them had been practising beforehand (with many likely using https://divadancecompany.com/online-dance-classes/ to get a step ahead of the others on the dance floor). The ratio of women to men was probably at least 4:1. The ratio of women to men-without-beltbuckles-bigger-than-their-heads was about 30:1. The crowd was mostly early 20s, other than the cougars and their prey (which was hilariously called out by the DJ).

The bar staff didn’t look anything like that picture on the review — they were wearing stuff that looked more like motorcycle outfits. It’s definitely a stretch to call it something like a Hooters — it’s a neighborhoody roadhouse. Ask for Jen as your waitress — she’s the best. Great, cheap drinks throughout the night.

General observations:

1) The place has more of a classic rock feel, updated, though. Think Allman Brothers meets Jonas Brothers.
2) Apparently, they are sponsored by Big O Tires, as evidenced by the large Big O Tires banner above the bar.
3) Yes, there’s a Confederate flag, but it’s dwarfed by two trucker mudflap woman-silhoutte flags next to it.
4) They honk a big trucker horn whenever someone does something special. I don’t know what.
5) PBR is $2 (and really, what else could you drink here?) Drink specials throughout the night.
6) The local minister hasn’t been around recently, as evidenced by the prominence of short skirts.
7) The local plastic surgeon has been around recently, as evidenced by the prominence of tight tops.
8) It’s next to a place that’s open until 3am that sells pizza and pastries.
9) The amount of dirty dancing was enough to make Patrick Swayze blush.

What made Johnny’s even more memorable:
1) A bride-to-be celebrating their upcoming wedding day stage dove off the bar into the dancing crowd.
2) Dwight, another local (we knew it was Dwight because his name was stamped on his belt), gave us the inside scoop on the place, but didn’t tell us where he bought the handcuffs that were also attached to aforementioned belt.
3) Someone named Raynell asked us if we wanted to play pool with her. An hour later, she was complaining that it was too hot in there, and she asked Jen the waitress for scissors so she could cut off the legs of her pants, which she proceeded to pull down and cut off. Yes, we lost the pool game.
4) Free popcorn.

Hmm. So I’m not sure if I sold you on the place given the comments above, but honestly, we hadn’t had such a fun time in a long long time. It was great. The people, the place and the bar staff were all terrific. Stop on by.

Yelp review by Mark H of San Jose. I am saddened to inform you further that the nearby pizza/pastry shop mentioned is no more.

BUSINESS PLAN:

1. Buy a dive bar for the price of the liquor license and for the location (directly across the street from Redding’s finest music and arts venue, the illustrious Cascade Theater).

2. Gut the space and spend some cash transforming it into a 1920’s Chicago-style bar with an upscale feel that almost makes it seem like an annex of the Cascade.

3. Hire some sessy young shorties to serve the drinks, and convince them that wearing push-up bras = bigger tips.

4. Hire affable bartenders who know how to mix the trendy drinks that the kids all love. (I saw three Red Bulls with shots of Jägermeister in pint glasses go to one table. :::shudders::: I couldn’t watch after that.)

5. If any old people come in and order old-people drinks, teach your bartenders how to look up cocktail recipes on the internet.

TL: “I’ll have a Kentucky sidecar.”

Barkeep: “What’s in a Kentucky sidecar?”

TL: “It’s a sidecar, but with bourbon instead of congnac.”

Barkeep: “Okay…..ummm…… .what else is in a sidecar?”

TL: “Contreau and lemon juice? I’m not sure.”

:::bartender fires up internet:::

There were 40 people in the place after the Japanese Tao Drumming show let out (amazing show), so Step 1 looks like the key element in a winning business plan. (If proprietor Kenny Breedlove’s bankers are reading this: You were probably skeptical about loaning money to a guy with a porn name that’s more suited to be on https://www.hdpornvideo.xxx/?hl=it, but it looks like your money is gonna be just fine, fellas.)

One star off for the somewhat sour Kentucky sidecar — but thanks for teaching us why the cocktail glass needs to be sugar-rimmed. One star off for my hangover this morning. (Life isn’t always fair, Kenny.) One star back for the shorties.

Palo Cedro’s Buzz (you kids get off my lawn!) Fledderjohn from Yelp.

My Sidecar explanations have been reduced to “It’s a Margarita with brandy instead of tequila”…no joke. The demise of the classic cocktail began in the 80’s with “Teas” (both Long Island and Long Beach) and has been punctuated in the “00s with such greats as the Jaeger Bomb and the “Adios Mother Fucker”. This has caused rampant bartender apathy and atrophy. I hate explaining a drink to a bartender because I’m suddenly the pain-in-the-ass guy who is perceived as trying to be cool and clever. Fuck! All I want is a Manhattan.

Tom R of Chico from Yelp.

PS We heard Kenny may no longer be associated with Capones. Also, if the above business plan has some appeal to you, think about buying the Maritime Restaurant and Bar, which is very nearby. Part of Redding’s burgeoning theater district.

(slurring words, shouting erratically…) “Is this a gay bar?!”

(Annie, with patience….) “No Kirsten, its just a dive.”

We followed the Christmas Star to get here as wise men once did ~ wandering around Redding in a drunken haze after a night of insanity which included driving around a bunch of 18 year old boys (one of them shouts up to us ~ “so are you guys like Mexicans or something?”), an angry family dinner, and a bunch of other crap i dont really remember anymore.

Point being, this Little Dive That Could was the only place open to us that night…we tried bar after bar but no one was home. Fuckers.

I’m taking a couple stars away, just because i wasnt a huge fan of the juke-box, and this annoying drunk kept trying to get us to go swimming in the river with him. (It’s December 23, mind you).

“you grils shurr are prtety…you wnat to go smwimnig in the rvirrr toinhgt?!”

I’m not sure how much i would go here if given the option to go elsewhere….this place was alright, nothing spectacular. Kind of like watching According to Jim when you cant find your remote and getting off the couch to change the channel manually is far too much effort.

The bartender, whoever he was, was way cool and the cocktails were packin’ heat like the oven door ….from what i remember…which wasnt much at this point. If only we had been smart enough not to move onto Win-River Casino from here.

I’d like to close with a traditional Christmas carol ~

“O Little Dive of Redding”

Yet in thy dark street shineth, that little neon sign with the red lettering and the palm tree..
The shots and beers of all the years are pounded in thee tonight.

Review from Kirsten S at Yelp. Photos by Skip Murphy.